I faked an abortion last night.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
