Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
