no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
