I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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