Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Randomize
