My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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