Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Randomize