Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
