I bet he comes in French.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
