just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
