I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
