I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
