I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
