i was rollin on her like bob the builder
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
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He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
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I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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