He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
