The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
