the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize