omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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