Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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