I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
