We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
