was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
