Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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