some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
