I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Text me some of your sweat
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
