I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
