my phone needs a breathalizer
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
