I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Randomize
