i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
