I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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