There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
