Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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