drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He did a backflip because drugs
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
