I'm drive I can fine osifer
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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