If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
