she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
