it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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