hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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