i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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