Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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