every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
