shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
