in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
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she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
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Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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