who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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