wrigley field is MILF paradise
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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