...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
