How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
