Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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