apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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