lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
