im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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