The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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