I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
