Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
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You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
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My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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