Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
