I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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