I think my vagina is haunted
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
