dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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