please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
