I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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