working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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