Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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