once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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