end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
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I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
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library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.