Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
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he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
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I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.