she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?