Will you blow on my dice?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?