What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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