8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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