How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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