last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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