you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
