Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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