didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
