so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So much rum. So many feels.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
